What Escorts Have to Say...

SQUEEZING BREASTS
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and soothe them.

BITING NIPPLES
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.

TWIDDLING NIPPLES
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

A woman is not a motorway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

LEAVING HER A PRESENT
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

ATTACKING THE CLITORIS
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along the side of the clitoris.

STOPPING FOR A BREAK
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

VAGINA OBSESSED
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen bank notes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

UNDRESSING PREMATURELY
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

PANTS OFF FIRST
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first!

GOING TOO FAST
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

NOT WARNING BEFORE CLIMAX
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you cum so she can do what's necessary.

NOT CARING IF SHE CUMS
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

SQUASHING HER
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

You're Together at Last...

Conversation
Be courteous. Offer her a drink... engage in a little chit-chat, treat her like a lady. Don't grope the escort the moment that she walks through the door. You may be paying for her services, but a little respect will pay dividends later.

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Detailed personal questions should be a no-go area. Your escort is with you under a business arrangement, so don't expect her to tell you her life history or innermost secrets... Under no circumstances ask: What does your boyfriend think about your work? Do your parents know about your job? How much money do you make? Do you pay tax? Why don't you marry a rich man and forget about this work? etc.

These are very personal and patronising questions, so don't do it unless you are looking for a very cool performance or equally embarrassing questions in return, like: What does your wife do for a living? Do your children know that you go out with escorts? Does your boss know you're here? Have you ever thought about going on a diet? Has anyone ever told you that boxer shorts don't suit you?

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Payments
You already have the money ready, so at a suitable moment hand her the envelope. Don't get the money out and count it into her hand like a checkout girl at your local Tesco... and don't try the old Paul Daniels sleight-of-hand routine and try and keep one back.

Don't try and be a smart punter and ask if she accepts American Express and don't try a bit of last minute bartering... it's too late. The Nitty Gritty... "No" means "NO!!" If you want something that she is unwilling to go for, even if the review says otherwise... BACK OFF!!!

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Limerick Escorts

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After the date
Just because you've booked your escort through an agency don't play for overtime unless you can pay for overtime. Don't expect a 'quickie'... and don't think that you can carry on pumping away for hours on end until you have had enough. The deal you had was based on time and you agreed it in advance.

Even if you wish her to stay for longer, keep in mind that she may have prior engagements, so be respectful of those. Don't offer to buy her a drink, a meal, suggest going to the cinema and expect her to do so without payment. You may have got on very well, and she may genuinely like you, but business is business and she will prefer it to be kept that way. The difference between sex for money and sex for free, is that sex for money often costs a lot less... so don't push your luck!