George Bush and the White House: Maybe It Was Iran, After All

The White House admitted today that it may have been mistaken about the fact that Iraq had anything to do with the September 11 Attacks on New York, Washington, D.C. or the downing of United Airlines Flight 93 in Pennsylvania. In addition, the Administration conceded that Iraq did not represent an “ongoing threat” nor did it shelter Al Qaida fighters. They do however offer an explanation for the lapse.

An unnamed White House source, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, “It was a simple mix-up really. We knew that all the information we gathered, you know, the atomic weapons program, aiding Terrorists, all of that stuff was actually true. We also knew that it was an “I” country, either Iran or Iraq. We took a shot at Iraq, basically because that’s who we wanted it to be. So it was actually Iran, but what the hell. It keeps the old Middle East threat pot bubbling along. And if we make it through to November without getting scalped at the Polls on election day we have four more years to, shall we say, increase our grip in the region?”

Just as the Bush Administration was successful at linking Saddam Hussein with the 9/11 attacks in the American people’s imagination, spin doctors in the West Wing are busily creating a scenario that links two of the regions most implacable enemies, Iran and Iraq, as co-conspirators against the United States. The hope is that by proving that Iran posed the greater threat now Washington can legitimise it’s attacking Iraq then, or something like that.

The source speaking on the condition of more anonymity continued, “It’s convoluted I know, but hey, you work with what you got. Here’s how it goes: it’s lucky that we were wrong about Iraq and invaded them because now we own Iraq and Afghanistan that means we have two countries that share a thousand miles of border with the real enemy- Iran. Pretty smart of us, huh? Yeah, and it’s the Iranians that are causing all the insurgency trouble we’re having in Iraq so by invading Iran we can make everything all better. Of course, we could also be talking about starting World War III, but we think it’s worth a gamble.”

21st July 2004

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