Tony Blair's Wife Says He's a "Complete Failure"

It seems British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has finally cracked under the strain of trying to justify his sexing up of the reasons to invade Iraq by claiming Saddam Hussein could have wiped out the world within 45 minutes, after he was seen leaving a Harley Street psychiatric clinic yesterday.

Now that every square inch of Iraq has been scoured for Saddam’s mythical weapons of mass destruction and all that’s been found resembling WMD are the unexploded ordinances of the invading powers, pressure on Blair to vacate what was once a respected office, is now more than even he can combat.

Pathetic attempts to justify the invasion of Iraq by claiming, “Well the world is a better place without Saddam and he had missiles which exceeded the UN distance regulation by a few hundred yards, are astounding and poses the question, " Was it OK to have missiles that could only be fired on his own people?"

But more bad news for Tony, Cherie Blair has gone public regarding her dissatisfaction with her sex life and threatened that if he doesn’t put in the same effort as he does in satisfying his relationship with George W. Bush, she may be tempted to seek her pleasures elsewhere.

She confided in a Daily Mirror reporter, who didn’t want to be named, “I don’t know if the fat salary and gigantic pension benefits Tony and I are getting compensate for the life of chastity I’ve been living since Tony became under the spell of George Bush. Do you know, I’ve been buying sexy negligees, all manner of sex toys and playing romantic music when he eventually comes home at night, all to no avail?”.

“It’s terribly frustrating because I daren’t call a male escort agency as it would be all over the papers in no time. I’ve even bared my soul to Jack Straw’s wife and asked her if she gets any more than I do but it was the same story, Jack hadn’t been near her for months”.

“It’s not as if I’m an unattractive woman. I always get wolf whistles from the other judges and sometimes from the defendants too when I’m presiding over a court case and I don’t mind saying I feel flattered but if this goes on much longer I’m afraid I’ll go off the rails.

19th July 2004

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