A small piece of Michael Jackson has fallen off during a routine flight on Concorde this evening. Nobody else is reported to have been hurt or injured.

This is the latest in a series of similar incidents involving the megastar although a spokesperson denied there was any cause for concern. "Michael has an excellent safety record, but nevertheless we are currently getting him checked out by our metallurgical expert, Uri Geller. As a precaution, Janet and La Toya Jackson will be kept in a hangar until we've figured out what went wrong. I must stress that the public was never in any danger and we hope to return to a normal service as soon as possible."

Mr Jackson was designed and built over forty years ago as part of a joint venture between Motown Records and Boeing. Originally conceived as a black programme, he was developed at the top-secret Neverland test facility in California. The Soviet Union, worried that it might lose the all-important "Moon Walk Race", quickly embarked on a rival project code-named Mikhail Jacksovski. However, Jackson's performance was superior in every aspect and Jacksovski was eventually decommissioned after dislocating both legs during a particularly energetic Cossack line-dance.

After a cockpit fire in 1984, Mr Jackson underwent extensive modifications, emerging as the record-breaking phenomenon we know today. A number of highly publicised technical problems in the early 1990s were attributed to the antics of a chimpanzee which had somehow gained control of him, causing his career to veer off course. His fuselage has been patched up many times since then and his graceful white shape is now guaranteed to pull a crowd whenever he shows up at airports around the globe.

However, the hitches have continued and in May he was forced to make an emergency landing at Exeter City's football ground. This prompted many of his critics at the time to suggest that he should be mothballed although his devotees remained fiercely loyal. One fan Danny Bassanti, told us "Some people say he's too noisy. Others say he's become an expensive white elephant. Well, say what you like but until something else comes along, he's the best we've got."

In the long term, Mr Jackson will be replaced by a new generation of Jacksons although it is not known how these are being made or who is producing them. Michael recently unveiled one such prototype in Berlin but, when a small crowd gathered beneath his hotel balcony, he was forced to abort the test flight for "advanced safety reasons". The French Space Agency are believed to be buying three as soon as they can be made ready, or possibly sooner.

2nd June 2004

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