The level of pornography on the Internet has been steadily increasing since 1995, and computer scientists fear that yesterday saturation point may have been reached, with potentially devastating consequences for the whole Internet community.

The amount of pornography per node (measured in "Pornos") had been increasing at a fixed rate of 200 pornos a month for several years, but in early 2004, the rate increased sharply, so that by June, the average penetration was 18,000 pornos across the Internet as a whole, with parts of the UK reaching as high as 21,000. Yesterday, a server farm in Manchester, is thought to have reached the crucial 100,000 pornos mark - the first time in human history that so much smut has ever been gathered together in one place.

We simply don't know what the effects are likely to be," admitted nervous sweaty IT analyst Rob Willie. "Already some major web sites are seeing the effects of super-porn saturation. You see, these images have a natural attraction to each other, and so when this kind of volume is reached, other files get stuck to the porno-mass. This leads to a general slowdown, and possibly infection of other files. In extreme cases, the porn can obliterate all the other files completely, leading to the server actively generating fresh porn from the raw material already stored on it."

However, porn saturation is only one possible consequence of "critical porno-mass". Artificial Intelligence guru Dr Simon James is convinced that if enough porn accretes across the entire Internet, it could achieve sentience and become an intelligent entity in its own right "albeit," James admits, "a very anti-social one."

There is even some evidence that this may have already happened. "I can't understand how else my wife would have found the file jennifer_lopez_naked.jpg on my laptop. Can you?" demanded James, hastily stuffing some crumpled tissues into his pocket and straightening his clothing.

22nd September 2004

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